Unfailing Father

I had another topic in mind for my next blog, but true to the way the Lord works in my life, He dropped a bombshell of emotions and burdens on my heart tonight. I was enjoying a lovely girl's night out with Lyns, Kia, Ileia, Heather and Blessing tonight. We grabbed dinner at PM and then walked over to Belmont's Curb Cafe to watch a friend and her boyfriend's show.

They were a few songs into the night and I was just enjoying the music. They're both amazing musicians: Christa Ciotti and Brian Yak - I recommend you check them out. Anyway, they get to a portion of the show where they both share their stories of growing up with a void left by their fathers - one left by choice while the other was taken at an early age to be with our Heavenly Father. Either way, they both had to deal with the void. After they shared their stories, they performed a song called 'Unfailing Father.' I was completely taken off guard when God told me to look around the table - I was surrounded by dear friends who share this particular burden - whether their fathers chose to leave or passed away. As I was looking around this table of girls I truly love, I was filled with so many emotions.

I'm so blessed in the fact that I grew up with an amazing, present earthly father. However, God chose tonight to use my gift of empathy to show me for a moment the heaviness that comes with not having that earthly form of a father.

I just want to encourage those out there who have had to deal with this void that there is hope. One of the lines in the song states, "Rest in the peace His love provides." You're not going to be able to fill this void with anything but our Heavenly Father's love - sex, drugs, alcohol, addiction, eating disorders won't do anything for you.

The song also says, "Search no farther than the unfailing Father." I totally understand it's not the easiest thing to do and I also understand that I cannot fully grasp the hurt you feel - the constant feeling of loss. What I can do is stand with you and intercede in prayer for healing because our God is healer - emotionally and physically.

The Bible has plenty to say about the fatherless:
"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows is God in his holy dwelling" - Psalm 68:5
"The Lord watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow" - Psalm 146:9
For time's sake I'm only putting a couple, but there are so many instances where He not only speaks of being a father to the fatherless but also challenging His people to step in here on Earth to help the fatherless.

I wish I could have taken a video of the song so I had something to post for you all, but I didn't think of it. However, this is a video of her performing another song. I wish the quality was better, but you at least get the fact that the girl can SANG IT!

UPDATE: This is a video Lyns took with her phone tonight of them performing another song. They pretty much killed it...in a good way.

Books, Authors and Characters! Oh My!

I decided that since I went a little deeper earlier this week, I can take a post to just ramble about favorite things. Clearly, I love books. No surprise - you don't study English Literature if you don't enjoy literature. 


So here's the thing with me - I'm all about some character development. There are times I find myself enjoying books that others didn't find all that interesting simply because I fell in love with the characters. I don't always have to have a crazy amazing plot to enjoy reading because I'm pretty much in their world - I hear their voices, I see their faces; I'm actually a part of their story. 

“All good books are alike in that they are truer than if they had really happened and after you are finished reading one you will feel that all that happened to you and afterwards it all belongs to you; the good and the bad, the ecstasy, the remorse, and sorrow, the people and the places and how the weather was.”
- Ernest Hemingway


Jane Austen isn't for everyone - her stories are a bit slower moving than our generation prefers, but I happen to love the characters, the time period, the language - all of it. Here are some of my favorite Austen characters: 

• Mr. Bennet from Pride and Prejudice: I always went back and forth between whether I loved him for his sarcasm and ability to put up with a house of six women or disliked him for his lethargic attitude toward their well-being. In the end - I've decided I love him. You can't help but enjoy that dry sense of humor. 
• Mr Collins from Pride and Prejudice: Hilarious. That's all I have to say about him. He is so unbelievably ridiculous that it's just funny. 
• Jane Fairfax from Emma: She doesn't get as much attention, but I always find myself fascinated with her and the reasoning behind her actions. You're forced to view her in a different light and rethink her attitude toward everything when you learn about the twist in the story (I won't say it in case you haven't read it and are planning to). I give her a lot of credit for staying as calm and reasonable as she could.
• Henry Tilney from Northanger Abbey: He is by far my favorite leading man in the Austen novels. He's got a lot of the characteristics I like in a man - he's witty, sarcastic and clever all while still being very loving and nurturing to both his sister and Catherine. Love him. 
• I won't even start on Persuasion because I love a good majority of those character. 

I'm just now getting off my Jane Austen kick, so don't think that's all I read. I love all kinds of books! Here's a short list of some of my favorite books:

• A Passage to India - E. M. Forster
• The Great Divorce - C.S. Lewis
• Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
• Canterbury Tales - Chaucer - I don't recommend this if you're not familiar with Middle English. Of course you can get a translation, but a lot of the references are lost and half the fun of it lies in the language. 
• Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
• East of Eden - John Steinbeck
• The Things They Carried - Tim O'Brien
• The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin - You'll learn a lot about him that you never knew.
• Lord Jim - Joseph Conrad
• Dubliners - James Joyce
• Major Barbara - George Bernard Shaw
• To the Lighthouse - Virginia Woolf
• Much Ado About Nothing - Shakespeare
• Twelfth Night - Shakespeare
• All's Well that Ends Well - Shakespeare

There are many more, but that's all I'll say for now. I'll leave you with a quote from a favorite author. 


"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen; not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."
- C.S. Lewis

If you have any book suggestions, please send them my way because I love reading new things! On the flip side, if you would like book suggestions, I'm always more than happy to help on that end as well!


 

Gladness and Joy Will Overtake Them; Sorrow and Sighing Will Flee Away

As I was finishing my little yoga routine tonight, God put the topic of joy on my heart. I'll be honest - I couldn't even finish my workout because I was a bit too excited to dive into the study of joy and reflect on how this theme has come in and out of my life.

As I'm sitting in my sun room (that's not so sunny considering it's after dark), sipping on tea, reading my Bible and listening to music, I'm feeling rather joyful.

Many of you who know me well know that I struggled with the lack of joy for years. I let depression rule my life for a good three years before I started fighting back. Tonight, I chose to meditate on Isaiah 35:10 because I long for those moments of joy that completely overwhelm you. It's as if you don't know what else to do besides laugh or lay down or sing or dance or whatever you feel you need to do!

"And the ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away." 
-Isaiah 25:10

When I began my journey out of depression and back into the joy God was holding for me, it was a fight to even see glimpses of it. However, as time went on, the joy would completely overwhelm me in the most random moments.

I remember one time I was making cupcakes with my best friend, Mary, in Chattanooga and we were both consumed with joy at the same time out of nowhere. We ended up on the floor laughing for a solid half hour.

There have been times in my life, especially lately, when I'm feeling sad or frustrated and I have to stop myself and remember who my Creator is and I allow the joy to overtake me while my sorrow and sighing flee.

Friends, joy is one of our greatest weapons, so it only makes sense that the devil is constantly attacking it. Don't let him win for as long as I did. I promise it's worth the fight.

I was actually there in the video below. That was the night of my biggest break through with depression and I've never been the same...

And...I'm Back

It's definitely been a while since I did anything with my blog. In fact, it's been nearly a year. But don't be fooled - just because I haven't been frequenting this place doesn't mean that nothing interesting has been going on. It's quite the opposite; I've actually had a fairly eventful year. That being said, I figured I would dedicate this blog to a simple game of catch-up.

I last wrote around Halloween time because I did the 'Scariest Moments of My Life' three-part series and so much has happened since then. In my old life group we would always catch up with each other based on three areas of life: time, talent and treasure. I'll probably keep my "treasure" out of it...all you need to know is I tithe regularly and give whenever I can.

Anyway, we'll start with time. There have been times this year where almost all of my free time has been dedicated to one thing or another. Fortunately, I'm finally in a stage of life where I have a couple evenings that are completely free and it's amazing.
Over the past year I've dedicated a lot of time to choir. I really had only just joined choir around the time I stopped blogging, but I've kept up with it. We practice every Wednesday and sing every other Sunday, so it takes up a lot of time.
I'm also involved in an amazing life group led by Jaime Jamgochian - she is amazing and has a huge heart for the Lord. If you haven't checked her music out yet, you absolutely should. We've spent the past few months studying how to be a worshiper.
I've only just started helping out with Rush Franklin (our high school/middle school youth group). It's been so amazing to be able to just stroll into a ministry like that and feel at home. There hasn't been a single awkward moment - I feel as though it's been a part of my routine all year. The leaders and volunteers are amazing as well as the students - they make it easy to love on them.

Finally: my talent. It's so weird to me to even have anything to talk about in this section since I went pretty much my whole life thinking I wasn't talented at anything. I've obviously been singing a lot lately in the choir, but even more than that, I've had people in my life who truly believe in me and have been continuing to train me up by putting me in the rotation for Wednesday night frontline. Although it's still scary for me to think about sticking my part alone, I have really enjoyed the challenge. I also spent a couple months working on Vicki Yohe's latest album that's due out late this month. It was such a fun experience learning the songs with everyone and spending time in the studio - I would love to do that more often.
I've also been doing a lot more writing recently - just not on here. I've written a lot more songs and have also started on my first novel. I am absolutely stoked to see where the storyline goes!
Something that's really exciting to me, but not really to everyone else is that I'm getting to use my administrative skills again! This is exciting for me because God made me lay it down while I was working on the scarier skills, so I see Him letting me get back into that means I've been doing something right in the other areas!

I feel like you have enough to read up there, so I'll finish off with some photos of the past year.

I turned 23! This is a picture of me, Dani and Jaci at my birthday dinner. 

At the studio for Vicki's Yohe's upcoming album, 'I'm at Peace.'

  

All the old Chatt girls were able to get together for a birthday tea party for my 23rd birthday!

My college roommate, Courtney got married this summer. Beautiful (and hot) wedding!

My little baby sister, Jaci got baptized. Quite a milestone...

Scary Moments in My Life (Part 3)

Alright friends, it's time for the final edition of my Halloween series: Scary Moments in My Life.

This last one isn't exactly from my life personally, but I've heard the story first-hand. Get ready to be freaked out.

This story took place in a small town in Kansas called Bucyrus. Throughout this small town, a story began circulating about a crazy man seen on the side of the road in a long white robe. No one could say for sure whether he was real or a ghost. Typically, he was seen while the local high school kids were driving around at night, so no one thought it wise to pull over and take a good look.

My story follows one boy in particular. It was in the middle of his senior year when he began hearing about this supposed crazy man wandering around Bucyrus at night. Typically, he's not one to believe silly high school ghost stories, but those he talked to seemed to be telling the truth.

One night, he was spending time with his girlfriend. She was quite the catch: a year older, athletic and cute. They hopped in his old yellow truck for a night drive. He had a gravel driveway that turned into a road. It was on that gravel road that they saw him, where the headlights met the darkness. There were no street lights on that old gravel road, so there was absolutely no light other than that of the headlights.  Just as everyone described him, he looked as though he was crazy and was dressed in a long white robe. As they drove nearer he appeared to be waving down the young couple to stop for him.

Naturally, the girlfriend was yelling "Don't you dare stop for this man!" The young boy decides that the man in the white robe was either going to move over or get run over and starts to accelerate. As they drew even nearer, the boy swears that the man's eyes were glowing. As though he realizes the truck isn't going to pull over for him, he steps out of the road and allows them to pass.

That was the last known sighting of the man in the white robe. To this day, no one knows if he was real or a ghost. But, years after the incident, he still claims that was the most scared he's ever been. You don't believe me? Ask my parents, they were the young couple.

Scary Moments in My Life (Part 2)

Ok...it's time for Scary Moments in My Life (Halloween edition) Part 2!

My little sister, Jaci reminded me of this scary story. 

I can't even believe I forgot about it in the first place.

We shall preface with a reoccuring nightmare I had as a child. I would have this nightmare night after night and it was always as terrifying as the first time. I would dream that Jaci and I were playing in the front yard, but she was always sitting in a car seat on top of the car. So I guess she was really only watching me play. At any rate, this guy would always come to kidnap Jaci...he never wanted me. I would see him coming and automatically know what he wanted since I had this dream so many times. I would try so desperately to get Jaci off the top of the car, but I couldn't reach. I could never decide whether I needed to stay out there with her and try to get the guy to leave her alone or if I should take a chance and run to the house to get my parents. It was terrible. At the time, my dad had this tv show called FishTv, so I would always try to bargain with him...haha. I would tell him that I would give him a FishTv sticker and t-shirt if he would just leave Jaci alone. I would always wake up just as he was getting ready to take her.

So, now you know that I always had a fear of something like this happening...and so it did.

One evening Jaci and I were playing basketball in our culdesac. At this time of life, Jaci was impossible...I'm sure she'll admit it now. She wanted to do the exact opposite of everything I would say. It was beginning to get dark and I kept seeing this guy walk back and forth at the end of our culdesac...very creepy. To make it a little worse, we were the only ones around since it was getting dark...everyone else was inside. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him start to walk up the culdesac. I tried not to panic because I didn't want him to know that I noticed him and start running for us. So, I calmly put the basketball down and said, "Jaci, we need to go inside." I started to walk up our driveway and notice that Jaci is not following me...of course. So, now I start to panic a little bit. I turned around and yelled at Jaci to come inside, meanwhile, the man is getting closer. Naturally, she doesn't come. All those memories of the nightmares came flooding back and I really freaked out. I opened the front door and yelled for my mom. As my mom came outside, the man saw her and ran away.

I'm not sure what would have happened if my mom didn't come outside, but I'm just glad it all ended well.

Lesson to be learned from this: ALWAYS listen to your big sister because you just might be on the verge of getting abducted.

Ok...so...here are some pictures (a lot of pictures) of my sisters and me in honor of us not getting kidnapped:

 Me, Dani and Jaci in Branson

 Our Christmas surprise for our parents!

 Jaci's graduation party!

At the lake

 

 Dani's birthday dinner

 Dani and me in New York City

 Dani and me with grandma

 Me, Dani and Jaci in Maine

 Are we giving the thumbs up to dummies hanging by a noose? Why, yes we are.

 Jaci and me in Maine

 Jaci's prom

One day, she was a little girl, the next - she was taller than me. 

Alright, those are all the pictures I'll subject you to. But my sisters are great, so you should enjoy looking at them. Have a great day!! I sure hope you're enjoying fall as much as I am!

Scary Moments in My Life

In light of it being October, the month of Halloween, I thought I would share some of the scariest moments in my life.

The first scariest moment took place a little after we moved to Franklin from Kansas. We moved here because of my dad's job, so there were other families that moved out here as well. One family was my aunt and uncle, Greg and Gina, with my cousins, Brandon and Corey. The Petraseks were the other family. They had three girls: Lauren, Kaitlin and Sarah. We all moved into the same neighborhood, so we would hang out every night and go on walks or whatever. 

This particular night, we are all hanging out at my cousins' house when we decide to go on a walk. Brandon just came home from soccer practice or working out or something, so he tells us he needs to take a shower and he'll catch up with us in a little bit. 

We all set out on what seems to be a night like any other night. In our neighborhood, we have these little stone walls that have the name of the subdivision on it. We start walking past one and we think we hear some kind of noise coming from behind the sign. I turn around and see the shadow of something moving, but I just assume it's some kind of an animal.

At this point, I start walking backwards to talk to everyone and I see this guy in a scream costume jump out from behind the sign. Naturally, we all freak out and take off running. We're just down the street from a family friend, the Collins, so we all start running toward their house to get away from the guy who is chasing us. 

*Take a moment to really visualize the situation. Four girls and one boy running down the streets of our neighborhood, screaming. I'm sure my hands were flailing around in the air, my face showing sheer terror. Closely following us is a man in a scream costume. This has got to be a scene straight from some cheesy horror movie. Also note that in the midst of our screaming, no one came to see what was going on....makes you feel safe, huh?

Everyone turns up the Collins' driveway....except me. In my state of panic, I totally forget to turn. So now, I'm running as fast as I can, but away from everyone else. This guy has the perfect opportunity to kidnap me because I have just isolated myself from the rest of the group. Typical Jess move. 

I notice that he's gaining some serious ground on me and decide there's no way I can outrun him. Rather than waste all my energy on continuing to run, I stop dead in my tracks, turn around and start wailing on him. Just blindly punching him. Of course I know this isn't going to stop him for long...I was like maybe 12 at the time. There's not much I can do for myself. I keep thinking, "If Brandon were here, he could have saved me."

In my head, I'm beginning to accept the fact that I'm about to be kidnapped. All of these thoughts of what will happen to me start to run through my mind. Until....I heard him laughing. I thought to myself, "I know that laugh." It was Brandon. As soon as we left, he jumped in the car and drove to where he knew we would pass by and hid behind the stone wall until we got there. I'm sure he didn't know that it would work out as well as it did. 

Fortunately, my scariest moment ended up being a joke. But, at the time, I really thought it was the end. 

So...this blog is dedicated to Brandon. Well done.

This is Brandon with his little girl Brooklyn.

All the cousins.

Me, Brandon, Dani and Corey as kids.

The cousins in our true form.